11 things I'd tell my 20-y/o self at 30
On happiness
It's midnight where I'm from. Lately, I've been having some floating thoughts on “what makes us happy?”, so I started this post aiming to compile a short list in one sitting.
These are 11 ideas on happiness I'd tell my 20-year-old self at 30:
1/
Consciously choose things - Choose the sport you'd want to train, the work you'd want to do, the people you'd want to hang with, the places you'd want to spend time at. Just pick, and don't worry about changing later - only worry about not picking. Because if you don't, you'll want to do like everyone, be everywhere, and get everything. This will make you suffer - not because you won’t get what you want, but because you don't know what it is.
2/
People only post their highlights - You need just 3 seconds before opening Instagram or LinkedIn to take a breath and remind yourself that what you're going to check now are “the best moments of other people's lives.” I think these 3 seconds could re-evaluate your entire relationship with these platforms - because now you remember all people are probably suffering from the same things you suffer from, but none of them would post that, exactly like you and me - People only post their highlights.
3/
Only compare yourself to yourself - When I look back on the past 2 years, I probably changed skin a few times and grew into someone I was looking up to. I cannot help but think: If I knew I’d end up where I am today, I’d probably worry a little bit less than I did. In hindsight, worry did me no benefit. If anything, it took from my presence, my happiness, and my confidence. In fact, when I look back on the past 2 years, my happiness baseline probably went up some good points. Today, when I drive at night, sometimes I feel afloat. I feel like I really need nothing - like I'm whole. I don't remember feeling that 2 years ago, partly because I was comparing myself to everyone else.
4/
Journal more often - We have a short-term memory of events. If you don't journal, you won't keep track of how you changed. “How you change” is your entire identity. After years of journaling, you'll be surprised at how life repeats itself, and how everything from your present is tied to things from your past. We're not constantly reminded of that because we don't have detailed records of the past - only weak memories of some highlights.
5/
Build a community - It's not a luxury. One of the earliest missions young folks should embark on, as they are starting their life journeys, is to build their local community. Be open to investing in good friends, and quick to turn on bad ones. Later in life, even if everything else fails, having a local community will keep paying dividends for a long time; and, if done well, till you're old and grey.
6/
If you set out to do something great, you'll also have to sign up to be lonely in doing so - You don't get any work done by being around people all the time. Groundbreaking work is only born out of the deepest flow states. These findings don't exist at the surface; you can't focus for just a limited time and make a radical change. Deepest flow states unlock after months, sometimes years, of consistent inward work. You cannot produce good work if you're not left with your thoughts long enough. This means you'll have to know how to activate flow and how to take a breather on command. This is often easier said than done.
7/
When you shift your thinking from “life will happen” to “life is happening,” everything changes - Being ambitious doesn't have to interfere with living. For example, people like GaryVee incentivize turning off all leisure in your 20s in order to live an exceptional life in your 30s. I think this model is retarded. What if I did this in my 20s and died at 31?
8/
Days are long, years are short - Days pass fast, really fast. If you don't want to hold onto this healthy routine, or start that project, or visit that country, there probably isn't a magical time window in the future when these things finally become possible. Life is now, like really. When we're young, we like to think in abundance. But as we grow older, we slowly start realizing that our experience of life might be limited - at least more limited than we once thought. When we're young, we believe there will be many places to visit, many business ideas to try, and many people to connect with. Later in life, we realize it only happens a few times.
9/
Use alignment as a means - In life, most people don't get what they want, not because they are victims of other people, but because they are victims of themselves. If you don't look at yourself in the mirror as the one who deserves that promotion, closes that deal, or achieves that success, you won't do any of it. Maybe if you do, you could get some of it, but for sure if you don't, you won't get any. Alignment is hard to explain because it's not something to do - it's a spiritual configuration. You’re not doing it, you’re thinking it. Also, when you're most aligned, you're most happy.
10/
When you level up, i.e., as you get more experienced in life, you start to think all people are on the same level. They are not. So the key is not to expect that from anyone. When you learn something, it's hard for you to remember what it was like not knowing it. So as you get more experienced, it's easier to think everyone is also getting more experienced. This is not often correct. Many -in fact, most- people around you will still be vibrating the same many years from now.
11/
The bar has never been lower for being a good man. Nine out of ten men set devastatingly low standards for themselves - in how they talk and how they live. That's why they end up depressed. Most men don't even do the basics, although being a good man still means what it used to mean 100s of years ago: eat well, train well, be close to God, and be there for family. But over-complicating this in recent years made more people give up on all of them. It also seems that more people are noticing this.
Thanks for reading,